True love

She was very young just few years back. I knew her through a friend. She was cute, shy and pretty little girl when I 1st met. Today she has grown up. Matured enough to have an affair and I met her recently.

I know what love is; she said. I smiled while, not knowing anything about it. I thought I was much more matured than she was. She went on to explain her love. I am having an affair with a married man, she told me casually. He got 3 kids but I love him all the more. Cold blood went up my veins. What must be Love after all I thought? Having met him when I was just 19 and my 1st experience of being in love defines my life, she smiles. I began to chew my own lips. Watched her hips to see if love had its effect. Biologically her womb is capable of bearing babies yet I thought she was too young for an affair, that too with a man as old as her own dad—truly, true love has no age bar I suppose.

You won’t understand Shyam, she said. I gave her a smile with a tinge of irony but she wouldn’t understand the message within my smile. He is married and has kids I know, but we love each other so much Shyam, she explains. I am speechless. For a moment I was numb and dumb. Wao what a love, I silently thought. We meet secretly, snatch away time whenever possible. We date quite often proudly, she spoke–thank god she didn’t go on to explaining about their mating events. I am normal and casual with his wife and kids when I see them in town. His wife is good to him. And he is so nice to me. I love him dearly. I want to leave him but I can’t. Tell me what to do Shyam? She tells me. What am I suppose to say when she knows clearly what she wants to do and wouldn’t listen any ways.

To me, this little girl I met few years back is still beautiful and youthful. But her pride and relaxed attitude left me wonder if I even need to understand Love. If love is about falling and not getting up and walking ahead in life, will I ever have a wife to walk along with me in my life’s journey? If she can be so casual and cool about wounding yet another woman (very much the same as herself), should I believe in her definition of true love? I was left to think and there was silence everywhere.

Blinking eyes, pumping heart, cold breath and in a soft voice I asked her if she knew that he was married when she 1st decided to be his mistress love. Yes wai, was her answer. Silence again. What a way to fall in love, I thought. True, I don’t know the ABC of love if this defines love. Why would I learn when I believe that love is not about wining for oneself but the ability to sacrifice and see yet another mortal being happier?

What must it take for the woman who is married to this man, trusting him to the brim and loving him from the core to keep loving her husband who is sleeping with a girl almost their daughter’s age? If I were her (his wife), I would vomit blood and curse humanity. I might even claim to have consumed all the tears of a life time of all the beings on earth. But here is this little girl so causal about being the mistress love. Are all young and single men dead? I thought.

Of all the men on earth, why him, a married man? I asked her genuinely. Because I know I love him and a smile, she happily throws at me. Wao, prompt and casual reply yet again. True indeed, sugar dads do exists and they surely do win younger hearts.

I couldn’t help myself but wanted to rip open my heart and tell her what it meant to be a woman (although I am not a woman myself—but I do feel as them quite often). I wanted to know if she ever realized what must be, life like for his wife. What would happen to the kids if they knew that their dad is dating some one their own age. I told her, it is morally wrong, ethically not right on his part to have you as his mistress. And it is logically, socially and intellectually wrong on your part to be his mistress and wound yet another woman (his wife). You got no right to wound her. You are doing this knowingly and it is sin.

To love is not to hurt, and to hurt is never true love, I explained her. To win in not to pin some one down, but to smile and say I gave that person a chance to prove his/her worth. Happiness at the cost of some one’s life (his wife in this case) is not true happiness; it is no better than butcher’s act. I may not know modern day love, but you shall know my way of loving when you are a grandma one day, remember this, I told her. I am rude and harsh telling you this, I fear not losing you for a friend but I fear you losing your own morality dear. I care less what you would think after I leave, I said. But I care a lot about how she (his wife) and his kids would live their lives if he shuns them and shelters you in for want of your youthful flesh.

She is too young to understand what it means to be a good human being. And her definition of true love is only a small part of being a good human being. It needs the fertile soil of humanity not the glamour of money some rich old men have on offer to lure and cure their lust. It is in the end worth to be a good human being than just madly in love.